BEFORE WE BEGIN LISTENING TO EACH OTHER I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU
"WHO I AM"
Once upon a time, some years ago, I was like this.. a little Dumbo looking girl sat on the sofa.. ready to face up to life with my cynical irony, sometimes a bit "mean", but that was how I decided to deal with my life, so don't be afraid when reading some "lightly phrased" comments, it's just sarcasm... on the other hand if you feel like I'm being too hard don't be surprised, again, the same sarcasm and irony that comes out unfiltered and that spills out every word, harsh and a little too direct...
This is me today, I hide myself behind big sunglasses every day.. and not because I'm not wearing any makeup (maybe also because of that), but because I like to hide my look... I always did this...
The most difficult thing that people hate to do: Is to talk about themselves.
It's so true, and I know what you're thinking "here she is, another one", true, so let me avoid the usual "I've always loved writing, since I was a little girl, and let me tell you how difficult my life has been, bla bla bla bla", why? has yours been easy? Don't know you but I woke up one day and I had nothing left, (that I cared about), already.. I was not living the dream, but can you immagine the love of your life leaving? Again, I can hear you saying "we all got dumped", you're right, but you win only if you can say too that you buried you boyfriend on your birthday, then.. then I'll stop writing, I checked and it's really a rare coincidence. All this to say I have a profound irony and I am very cynical, not much tragic, an you can see this in every single line you read, hey you, reader, don't worry I still have a heart, maybe I became what I am today after years of bullying at primary school, and the reason.. only my beautiful hair colour the one that nature gave me, and if that wasn't enough i had to deal with al the Grannies stopping me in the middle of the street and telling me how beautiful i was: "Really? Come with me tomorrow at school that I show you how it really works naan" if just I could have spoken, i didn't know how to speak yet, but I really wish I could have told those old bats how I was really treated.I thought it was just a matter of time, it will get easier, I told myself.... ahahhahahah i could laugh for 2o lines here!Growing up I did a lot of stuff, things I'd like to guide you through, maybe while you're guiding me through your lives. I always saw the pen (keyboard in this case) like a way of letting thing out and letting them go. I think we go through our live in silence even when some things should be yelled out, at the top of our lungs, and not held on to inside, i assure you (believe me here) pain wears you out, and sooner or later they will have to open and take all your guts out, literally, at that point you can really go outside and say you're empty, that's how people see you, or told you they see you.. at that point you won't be able to eat and hold down everything, so people please think about it and be considerate about food... but still that's another story.Again.. I hear you "either his girl has some issues or she's retarded".. you're right, can't blame you for thinking that, I bet you lack in something too, example, I grew up with no dada and I went through my whole life looking for a father figure in my boyfriends, they had to be both ( difficult to fill up 1 role, imagine 2), it took me years to understand that one of the 2 is enough, and i started looking for a man that someday will be an amazing dad (better later than never). I don't want to talk at length, i want to tel you i created all this because sometimes i think you can't tell your friends everything (I really do know that) and sometimes its better to talk to anonymous strangers, sometimes you feel conforted best when you don't know whom your talking to, I don't know why.. don't ask, but I know it helps..I've tried.I will talk about myself day by day listening to those people who told me all my life to write a book about it all, because belevie me, i have a lot of things to say!!! SO LETS SPILL THEM OUT!
I will wait for you in the next page I AM "ESSE"
You can click here to get in touch at anytime telling me your thoughts: Contact
You can also decide to share with he rest of us using the page "That's who you are" otherwise it's between you and me.
In the next page "I am Esse" I wil be telling you more about me and if you fell like it you can comment with stories or anythings that goes through your head.
Se you soon...